How Shame Harms Boys

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What do you do if a teacher shames your son in front of the class?

For many parents, this is not an abstract question. Teachers, coaches, bus drivers and yes, even parents still use shame to shape kids’ behavior. Adults yell at children in front of their peers, berate them for a lack of effort, criticize their attempts…and children’s spirits shrivel.

Shame is a universal human experience. According to the Oxford dictionary, shame is “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.” In and of itself, the emotion isn’t particularly harmful; it can even positively mold behavior. However, when human beings are humiliated by others, they tend to assume that there is something wrong with them. People who are repetitively shamed do not feel an innate sense of worth; instead, they feel unworthy and unlovable.

If your grew up with shame (and many of us did), you may be hard-pressed to recognize it or its harm.

Breathe.

Listen.

Think.

We can do better for our boys.

In this episode, Janet & Jen discuss:

The difference between SHAME and SHAMING
How the “boy code” feeds shame and guilt
Harmful effects of shame
Breaking the generational cycles of shame
Classroom management practices that fuel shame & cause harm (Clip charts, we’re looking at you!)
The link between school shaming and boys’ negative attitudes toward school
Respectful discipline
Healing from shame