Jonathon Reed: To Connect with Boys, Listen

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To connect with boys, you must first listen, says Jonathon Reed, program manager for NextGenMen.

Societal expectations of boys & men are gradually shifting. These shifting narratives are part of why it’s so important for adults to listen to boys. Adults’ interpretation and understanding of situations and interactions doesn’t necessarily reflect boys’ complex experiences, and neither does our language or approach.

“We’ve got to look to them as the leaders in this conversation,” Reed says.

Approach with Curiosity

Teens (and humans of all ages) tend to shut down and stop listening to people who don’t seem to be listening. By adolescence, most boys know that the world isn’t simply black or white; they’re ready to explore the grey. If you want to connect you boys, approach conversations with curiosity.

“Curiosity lays the possibility for an impactful conversation,” Reed says. Then, listen. Don’t dismiss what boys are telling you; dwell on the awkwardness they share and express.

Remember, too, that boys won’t necessarily tell you about their problems. “If boys are struggling, often they’re struggling in silence,” Reed says. “There’s still a stigma against asking for help, particularly when it also means admitting a weakness or a vulnerability.” Create a sense of safety to connect with boys.